You lost what???

The AP reports that the Public Health Research Institute on the campus of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey LOST three mice that carry the bubonic plague. This group apparently studies bioterrorism for the Feds. What they don’t research is inventory management.

Now they’re playing it off like it’s no big deal. Don’t worry, America, go back to sleep. Three sick as fuck mice are missing…but don’t miss an episode of Gilmore Girls or the O.C. over it we’ve got it “under control”.

State Commish Freddie “Black Death” Jacobs says, “Faggedaboutit, dooz freek’n mouses gotta be axed by now.”

Yeah, he says that because the Dentists have been missing the mice for quite sometime and no one would have known if the Feds weren’t already investigating the school for finance corruption.

You know, I really want to continue to freak out on the mice, but something is nagging at me more. It’s the fact that this school feels the need to separate Dentistry from Medicine.

How is dentistry not considered part of the medical profession? If you take out all the medieval torture devices, smoking hot dental technicians, and the occasional anesthestical rape…it’s still got a doctor who administers medical attention to a specific part of your body and give prescriptions for some kick-ass pain killers. (Fake a toothache, get some vicoden…it really works.)

Then my two minute attention span focuses on the fact that they’re studying bioterrorism next to root canals. Oh…you’re right…that does make more sense.