Cynical Meat Sack

New Car Smell, Old Car Exhaust.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Life's Plot Twist, Episode 1

I have amazing self control, sometimes. I run into life’s little plot points, and at times, make the right decision. Take tonight for instance…

I had to go to a local drug store chain, Osco Drugs, to check on a product for one of my company’s clients.

--Back Story--

Back in August we “over-labeled” the UPC codes for two items, changing the code from an old number to a new one. We generated, tested, and applied the new labels and sent the product to the chain’s distribution centers.

--Back to the real story--

Tonight the Midwest got donkey punched by Old Man Winter and he unloaded about 6” of powder in 3 hours. (I know this seems light to those who experience “Lake Effect Snow”…but go with me on this.) Effectively shutting down all surface transportation…and since this city doesn’t believe that it needs mass transit (Fucking morons) we’re in a white-out.

So…once again I’m rambling…

I had to go. Why? Because no one else could do what I did. Go out and look at a box, check to see if it has a label, check to see if the label scans at the register, and check to see if the new label scans at the register. That's just too difficult, isn't it? A monkey couldn't do that...but, a trained monkey can.

Here’s my moment…it’s 5pm, there’s already about 4” of accumulation and the radio traffic reporter said, “I’d give you the update, but that would take an hour…everything everywhere is backed up, don’t go outside.”

The Salesrep for this account calls me…

Her: “So…are you going to go to Osco?”

Me: “Uh…yeah.”

Her: “This is important, we need to know about this as soon as possible, I need to call [the client] tonight.”

Me: “Right. Have you looked outside lately?”

Her: “Yes. But…I’d go, but my...” [insert dramatic pause] “...car is at the shop, I’m stuck at Firestone.”

This is my moment right here. This is where, in the space of less than 2 seconds, my mind goes through the list possible scenarios and responses to this “request”.

A) I tell her to fuck herself and her client.
B) I tell her that she can stop by in the morning on her way in…SINCE IT ON HER WAY IN TO WORK AND NOT MINE!!!
C) I lie and say that I’ve already been there and the label works.
D) I go and fuck my night into the snow.

A through C would eventually come back on me, so I go with D.

So…I go. It takes me an hour to get there…it’s 3 miles away. The labels are fucked, I know I’ve got a shit load more work to do tomorrow on this for 1216 stores nationwide and 60,000 labels.

I call the Sales Rep to give her the update. Guess what? She’s AT HOME!!! WTF?!? You’re at home? It took me 3 hours to get home from the drug store. Bitch. Total fucking slacking bitch…and she get’s the commission on this shit-hole of an account.

Salespeople suck feces from the cocks of gay badgers.

The only redeeming factor is that I drive a four-wheel truck and traversing the snow laden roads was actually fun, except for all the jack-holes that lose they’re minds when the weather turns.

Anyway…life throws you these little plot twists to test you. I was a 187 (Murder-Death-Kill) away from life in prison…instead I chose to play in the snow.

3 Comments:

At 3:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

..."suck feces from the cocks of gay badgers"

i honestly don't know much about badgers....or their gayness, but i love that line...i'm totally stealing that...just to throw people off..it's going to rock. i will give you the credit definitely...but that shit is spreading nationwide...and then the last thing you'll be doing is driving around for 3 hours and 3 miles in the snow because that cunt (ouch did i say that?) was too lazy and was an ahole and actually made you do that. bitch. f her.

 
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