NBA Garamimils

I hate Pro Basketball.

I live in a state that reveres this sport, but I hate it. The Olympics proved that our game ain’t what it used to be. I think the slam dunk is what started its downfall. Then came the crybaby stars.

But, that’s not what I want to talk about today.

The NBA is going to enforce a mandatory dress code starting with the regular season. Players are going to be required to wear business casual attire to all team and league functions.

No more saggy-baggy. No more bling. No more hats worn every which way.

From what I’ve read, the majority of the players don’t have a problem with it. Others are crying racism. It’s hard to not carry that flag when the league specifically targets “Chains, pendants, or medallions worn over the player's clothes” as being one of the no-no items.

However, in defense of the League, it’s not a racial thing. It’s about image. If the league was predominantly Caucasian and theses guys were all wearing sleeveless shirts and John Deer hats, I’m sure that they’d ban that too. It’s about promoting an image, and the image that they’re sick of portraying is that of the League of sloppy dressing millionaires.

The best quote I’ve seen came from Allen Iverson: ''I feel like if they want us to dress a certain way, they should pay for our clothes.''

He makes $19,000,000 a year. Allen, the league IS paying for your clothes…and you dress like a colorblind kid with Down Syndrome.

Unfortunately for our nation, sports figures are idols to most of our youth. As such, their actions and images are often copied by our ever impressionable teenagers. And it’s a health hazard.

That’s right, I think the CDC, EPA, and some other acronymed government regulatory department should get involved in banning baggy, ill fitting clothing. It’s a safety menace.

Case in point:

The other day I was exiting a McDonald’s, returning to work with my obligatory double quarter pounder extra value meal…when I noticed a guy attempting to run to his car. I say attempt, because is saggy drawers were hindering his progress.

Had I been drinking my large Coke at the time, I would’ve done a spit take. This guy could only get about a stride and a half into his failed attempt at a “run” before he had to reach down an lift his jeans back up to at least half-ass level. It was pathetic.

This guy’s saggy-baggies could have caused him great injury had he fallen down. He could have been hit by someone in the drive thru…he was in no condition to dodge traffic. More importantly, I could have choked to death on my 80% beef patties…had I been eating at them time…and so could have a number of innocent on-lookers trying to enjoy their meals.

If you wear pants that are 8 sizes too big because you WANT to, then you’re endangering the lives of millions.

Iverson! Your reign of terror ends soon!

As a side note: I personally would've loved it if the league switched Kilts for Khakis as approved gear. That would've made a real statement. Kilts are making a comeback.