Seattle: no place for a dollar.

Apparently, Seattle has a hard-on for everything liberal, except strippers. The Seattle city council voted 5 to 4 to crack…hehe get it?...down on strip clubs. They’re instituting a new ordinance that will turn strip clubs into Hooters®.

This new ordinance requires that there be at least four feet of separation between the skanks and the pervs. No more dry humping to music. There also will be a 3 foot rail installed and lighting your physician would be proud of. No more tucking a buck, either. So, basically everything we know and love about strip clubs is banned in Seattle.

Frankly, Seattle doesn’t jump out as a hot spot for strip clubs in the first place, but you’d think that a place with that many hippies would be a little more slack on the naked thing. Of course, when I think of Seattle I think of rain 300 days of the year, people who don’t bathe, and lumberjacks…but, I don’t get out much.

This doesn’t affect me much as I’m not a big fan of strip clubs. I’M NOT GAY!!! I just don’t feel like paying some chick a buck to tease my cock like a 16 year-old cheerleader and end up NOT sucking my dick.

“Oh thanks Trixie, here’s another buck for not letting me put it in you. Can you shake it a bit more to the left? That one’s not the same shade of blue as the right one. That’s great, here’s another dollar.”

Still, it’s just not a strip club if you can’t tuck our national currency into the G-String of a coke whore. It’s simply un-American.

Fucking hippies. Where’s there sense of national pride?