Art vs. Porn...UPDATE

To continue the saga of the pornographic Children’s Map, I recently received an email from the US Distributor. In it there contained an email from the Manager of the company in Italy that created the map.

Below is the email with my commentary inserted:

-----Original Message-----
From: XXXXXXMaps Info [mailto:info@XXXXXXXmaps.t-com.hr]
Sent: Tuesday, January 10, 2006 9:40 AM
To: somedude@somemaps.com
Cc: someotherdude@usdistributor.com
Subject: Customer Complaint -explanation

Dear [Dude],
with the reference to the email you sent us yesterday and it refers to the complaint from one of the customers, it is important to point out several important issues.
--This is probably the most polite way that I’ve ever seen someone write “Stupid American, let me explain why the world hates your country…”--

For the start we must say that we are very surprised by the reaction from your market.
--He’s not surprised at all, he wrote this letter 9 months ago and has had it shelved waiting for the first complaint.--

The disputable element that the customer says it is inappropriate for a"children's map", presents the satellite Magellan that is mapping of the surface of Venus by radar technology and it entered the orbit of Venus on 10-08-1990.
--I love the amount of detail that he felt he needed to add. I’m disappointed, however, that he did not mention that Megellan was launched by the US...and created mostly in Denver.--

We have decided to present this satellite by using the famous paint of Botticelly that shows The Birth of Venus and this famous artwork hangs in the Uffizi gallery in Florence.
--His typos, not mine.--

This is not a photo of a naked woman, but a famous artwork painted by famous Sandro Botticelli. This is a world known painting and it is always presented in this way, so we have not done anything wrong here by presenting it in this way and by educating children.
--Here’s where I’m going to have to argue with him. You see, Botticelli’s painting depicts Venus as a red haired woman, standing inside a large seashell. Her right arm is covering both her breasts and her left arm and hair is covering her “nether” regions. The caricature on the map depicts a blond woman, kneeling on what could be a shell, but looks more like a pool floaty. Both her arms are spread out as if she’s doing the “Y” in the YMCA dance. In my opinion, if this is supposed to be Botticelli’s Venus, then it would be called “Venus Gone Wild”. Granted, her entire form on the map is smaller than the size of a pencil eraser…but still, he’s stretching it just a bit when he says that it's "always presented this way." Maybe by Monty Python...I could see that.--

We must say that we are also stunned by the reaction of the person from[Club Store] and we are wondering if this person has taken a look at the map and has checked what does it present!?
--Ok…obviously they don’t have club stores in Italy. He’s lucky that the store manager even knows what a map is.--

It is not a problem for us to remove this element, however, we will not do it because we think it is not appropriate, but in order to meet the expectations and to correct it if you think it is wrong.
--I wouldn’t correct it, either. However, I know that they made several other changes on other maps for the American market…such as the US Map, Martin Luther King Jr was depicted on an earlier version with lips bigger than his hands…he looked like Elmer Fudd after his gun exploded in his face. The PC crowd would have "exploded" all over that one. Then there was the Calvary riding towards the cowering Indians. So, their maps have been thoroughly PC’d to pieces.--

In any case, if this will be the reason for [Club Store] to terminate our cooperation, we must point out that we are having a huge damage here andnot just us, but you and [Club Store] as well, because we have had a verysuccessful cooperation and this element is nothing else, but an educational element that pupils learn about in the schools.
--I highly doubt that a store manager has the pull to declare that “the entire chain will no longer carry these maps.” Again, the manager was telling the crazy lady what she wanted to hear so she’d get out of his store faster.

Quick Story: When I was an Assistant Manager at a Toy Store, I had a child running around the store once…well, no that happened every single day…but on this particular day, this boy tripped over a pile of action figures that he had made while running through the store. When he fell, he bumped his head on the corner of a shelf.

His mother came up to me and said:
“My son just fell.”

Me: [Trying to be jovial and big brother-ish to the boy] “Ohhh, hey you’ll be ok, rub it out big guy.”

Mother: [Not impressed] “He hit his head on this shelf. Do you see how this corner sticks out?”

Me: “Hmmm. Yeah, that sticks out a bit.”

Mother: “You need to fix that. You shouldn’t have sharp objects like that where kids can hurt themselves.”

Me: [Starting to warm up for the fight.] “Wow. You’re right.” [I take my pen out of my pocket and throw it into the back room.] “Sorry, too sharp.”

Mother: “That’s not funny. Let me speak to your manager.” [My favorite line.]

Me: [All smiles] “Yes." [dramatic pause] "How may I help you.”

Mother: [Blink-Blink] “When I come back here, you better have all these shelves changed or else.”

Me: [Can you feel the climax coming on?] “Or else what?”

Mother: [Indignantly] “I’ll sue.”

Me: [Here it comes, get your feet set.] “On the grounds that our store is not completely made of Nerf? That our store is at fault because your son has the grace of club footed armadillo? Or maybe the store is at fault because we weren’t watching your son as he ran through the store like a gerbil on crack?”

Mother: [gasping] “I don’t have time for this! Fix your store or I’ll have you fired and I'll own this store!” [Grabbing her boy who’s staring gapped mouth at me.]

Me: [All smiles again, waving as she leaves] “Have a great day and do be careful, don’t stub your toe as you get on the escalator…or bump your elbow on a sign…[yelling] or trip and break your leg on your lawyer!”

OK…back to the email.--

Thank you very much for listening, [Dude], and your patience, we are looking forward to hearing back from you very soon.
--IE: "Don't bother me again with this bullshit, stupid American Dog."--

Best regards,
[Foreign Dude]
General Manager