Can it fit in the overhead compartment?

A friend of mine over at Humming Bird on Speed passed me this story to Kyuballify. Greasefire is a great storyteller, so I’m not sure why he’d think I’d do any better with this...but, since I update my blog more often then he does, here goes.

The gist of the story is that Columbian drug smugglers were caught smuggling heroin in the bodies of Labrador puppies.

When I first read this, I thought: So what? Am I supposed to be surprised? Columbian coke-whores have been smuggling junk in their bodies for decades now. Why not in the bodies of pets too? It’s a bit ironic that they used Lab’s since their great drug dogs, but other than that…so what.

Here’s what my twisted mind eventually worked out: The “War on Drugs” is finally showing signs of a pay-off. It’s working. It’s got to be, the drug lords are running out of ideas on how to smuggle drugs into America.

Coffee: played out, it doesn’t fool the dogs…Axel totally lied!
Balloons: done
Aerosol cans: dead giveaway
Butt plugs: too obvious
Hidden compartments in luggage: way too obvious.

All that was left is puppies. Right? How unbelievably obvious can you be with out having a coat entirely lined with Weed? I’m not up on my AKC research, but I don’t think that Columbia is well known for it’s puppy exports. So, why did these brainiacs think that they could get puppies through?

“Juan, chu know wha will work? Puppies, mayn. Puppies, stuffed wit junk. We jees need to git a betrinarian por to sew it in.”

“Aye poppie, et bery good idea. Pass de chainsaw.”

Coincidentally, Hollywood has run out of ideas for screenplays. I present the following movies that should not have been remade…ever: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, When a Stranger Calls, The Poseidon Adventure, Sabrina, The Nutty Professor, Dr. Doolittle, The Pink Panther, and Batman and Robin. Ok, that last one wasn’t really a remake, but damn it sucked worse than having a paper cut under your finger nail.

Guess Who probably bugs me the most out of all of those. I’m a big fan of Sidney Poitier and Spencer Tracy and that flick did not need remade. It was, in my opinion, iconic and released at a time when our country needed to see a movie like that. I don’t care how funny the new one is…it pisses on the original.

Next, they’ll remake Patton. Only the character of Patton will be played by an Australian actor with a fake Southern accent and shot on location in New Zealand.