Brain Dump

I don’t have a theme for tonight’s posting…just a few things to get off my chest.

Recently, the Sci-Fi channel began televising the WWE offshoot ECW: Extreme Championship Wrestling. Now, I know that professional wrestling is labeled as “fake” and thus can be considered fantasy…but, putting wrestling on the Sci-Fi channel is like putting Rugby on the Lifetime network, or American Idol re-runs on the History Channel.

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I went to a driving range to nights ago with my brother. Let me back this up a bit and give you some background…I’ve never played a round of golf in my life. The closest I’ve come is Putt-Putt. But, I got a free almost-set of clubs from my wife’s decidedly lesbian sister.

(When I say decidedly, I mean that she fits the stereotype to a “T”…just like a German in lederhosen, a Brit with bad teeth, or a Transvestite with Clown Makeup. She’s so butch, I’m pretty sure that she’s got a bigger dick than I do. She’s a great person, but man she is a really hardcore lesbo.)

So, I’m not sure what driving range etiquette is, but sure as hell laughed my ass off. When you suck as bad as I do, you can’t help but laugh. At least the large bucket of balls was only $6.

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The Ordinance Officer (Yes, officer hot pants) called the house last Friday and had a long talk with my wife. Yeah…any fantasy I may have had is completely gone now. Apparently, she handed out 50 violations that day and ours was just part of the “rounds” and not because any one person complained. Apparently, she forgets the conversation that she and I had in the yard…I can understand, I have that effect on most women in uniform. When we spoke, she said that she had a “complaint” on my next door neighbor…and 10 minutes later she handed me one too and acted like she didn’t know what in my yard could have caused the complaint.

Whatever…my shit’s cleaned up now…sort of.

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I think I’m becoming addicted to prescription drugs and porn. Not necessarily together.

My wife is a borderline hypochondriac and has several open prescriptions for pain meds and muscle relaxants. Vicoden and Flexiril, mostly. The other day, I got home and thought, “I could use a Vicoden.” I wasn’t in pain, I was just looking to get high. WTF? When did I become Chris Rock in New Jack City?

Porn. Holyshit is it stupid easy to find free porn and get it lightening fast on this laptop through my Yard Nazi’s connection. I consider myself a fan of porn, so much so that I have a favorite director. But, the dirt that you can get on the internet is so much worse. It’s like when I was a kid and I’d find a Swedish Erotica magazine next to a dumpster…no words like Playboy, just fucking…pure and simple.

Whitey Invades Ghetto

(OK, I don't know what's up with Blogger, but evertime I tried to add a link, using the little hyperlink button, it deletes all the text after the link...until I typed the link in. So, you'll just have to deal with ugly links.)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13389273/

This has got to be the most racist and bigoted news article I’ve ever read. Seriously. Some of you may not think that…but, to prove my point, read through this and substitute the words “Black” for “White” and “White” for “Black”.

I guarantee you, had this article been written with that take, it never would have made the news and the writer probably would have been fired and sued by the ACLU.

For those of you who hate to click links, here’s a summary:

Whites in Seattle and Portland are now moving into historically predominantly Black neighborhoods, while Blacks are moving outside the city into the predominantly White neighborhoods. So called Black activists are complaining…yes, complaining…that because of the rise in home values that this “invasion” of white, rich folk is causing it’s “destroying” them “socially and politically” and that it’s “a total inconvenience and disrespect to Black folks.”

I hope that quote was taken out of context. How is that disrespectful? White folk can’t live with Black folk? This activist is honestly SUPPORTING segregation. What a fucking joke…and this story got buried. Where’s the outrage from the ACLU? Nowhere.

Think about this: What happens to career activists if the racial divide is gone? If suddenly, one day, we don’t judge people by skin, but by character. Yeah, they have to find real jobs. So, I’ve got a real hard time believing that some, if not most, of these so called leaders of the Black community hold back these people or encourage and incite more division rather than foster cohesion.

Quick Update(s):

Remember the fuck stick sales chick that drove me Nucking Futs one day?
http://cynicalmeatsack.blogspot.com/2005/12/lifes-plot-twist-episode-1.html

Well, she quit last month. Why? Because, we hired a new sales manger who expects the sales force to SELL instead of running up large expense reports. She quit because she thought she had enough pull to threaten to quit and get away with it. Only the owners called her bluff and she left with no prospects. She tried to ask for her job back, but that didn’t happen.

Kinda makes me feel all warm inside.

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I don’t have any pictures of the hack ‘n slash day we had to placate the Yard Nazi. Sorry. I got into it and totally forgot about it. The real plus is that one of the Yard SS troops came over while wifey and I were clearing one of the fence lines:

“We’re still fri-ends, right?”

Outside voice: “Aww…sure, we under-stand.”
Inside voice: “God, I hope you die soon.”

Cool part of the day was ripping a fence line infested with saplings and small softwood trees out with my truck. Low 4 will make the testosterone level jump by 30% everytime.

Kiss my grass!

Fuck neighbors.

Fuck them with rusty fan blades.

Here’s why…

I’m out in the yard tonight, trimming the crotch-wood tree that my East-side neighbor refuses to cut out of her fence line and that blocks my view of the alley that the teens in my neighborhood think is a launching pad for drift racing. Along comes a cute female local police officer, walking between our houses towards me.

My first thought is: “Shit…what am I doing wrong.”

She proceeds to ask me which house is mine and I point to the one with the saplings in the gutters…not the one with the fence-line built in 1920 out of cast iron chainlink and wood.

Officer Hotpants tells me that she’s got an ordinance violation reported against East Neighbor and her fence.

No shit.

I go back to hacking at the bush, thinking about how big Officer Hotpants’ tits could be behind the Kevlar vest and if she likes to play “hide the nightstick”.

A few seconds later, she comes back…this time for me.

So…she gives me notice that my property is in violation of local ordinance 06.08.010 for “Unkept Property”. The complaint is for having “tall bushes and weeds in fencing around property and weeds in gutters surrounding residence.”

I freely admit that I’ve got saplings in my gutters. They need a good cleaning, but I haven’t done it because in the next week or so I’m having them replaced along with the roof. Apparently, this isn’t happening fast enough for the busy-bodies in my neighborhood…specifically the new “Block Captain.” Yeah…she’s a yard Nazi.

“Tall bushes and weeds” in my fencing…hmmm…news to me. I’ll take some pictures, maybe tomorrow, so you can tell me what the fuck is wrong with my fence.

Unfortunately, by the time I do that there will be a long strip of brown dead foliage. Shortly after Officer Hotpants and her Kelvar chest left, I took my gallon jug of AgentOrange and laid waste to my fence-line.

The one glimmer of warmth that I cherish and will snuggle up to tonight like the bosom of a large chested woman. I stealing wireless internet from the cunt that turned me in.