50 Foot, Bronze Hooka Pipe

This story is a bit old, but I’m so friggin sick of the whole Chenney incident that I could puke, so you’re getting old news.

This story comes out of Canada. It’s about a revived proposal to build a monument to U.S. “war resisters”, from the Viet Nam conflict, who fled to Canada instead of being drafted.

It’s a good thing that they want to build it in Canada. You can keep that shit up there.

“But, Kyu, these people were protesting an unjust war…this monument is a testament to their struggle and courage to stand up to the administration.”

Bullshit. They broke the law to save their own asses so they could get high, grow long hair, and fuck each other all day. (Ok…so some of that isn’t all bad, but they still broke the law.) While some poor guy was getting his legs blown off doing his duty to his country, those cowards were jumping ship, fleeing to Canada.

Let’s build a monument to cowards…great idea.

Oh…I know this will ruffle the feathers of my more liberal friends, such as Dan over at
Crallspace. So, let me throw in a little disclaimer here: I’m not saying that speaking out against the government makes you unpatriotic. Nope. I’m saying that if you dodged the draft, you’re a criminal and a coward. Cowards shouldn’t get memorialized.

Sure, some of those guys actually did it as a protest…but the majority fucked off ‘cause they were scared shitless and couldn’t knuckle up and do their duty because they wanted to get stoned instead…so, some other poor shit got stuck in the jungle getting shot.

I remember when I was a kid, probably around 12 or 13 years old. I was at my Grandparents house sitting at the dinner table across from my Grandfather who was a WWII vet. I was spouting off some rhetoric about leaving the country if there ever were another draft, rather than go off to die.

The look that my Gramps gave me was like a slap across my face. It was like I just wiped my ass with the US Flag and started a BBQ with it. He gave me the lecture of my life that day…it was a civics lesson I’ll never forget.

He explained to me what it meant to be an American. How we’re living in the greatest nation in the world, with freedoms that some people will never ever experience. He told me about how he had been wounded by shrapnel fighting in the Pacific theater. He wanted me to realize that, while he hoped that I would never have to experience war, that to run away and turn my back on the call from our nation would be the most cowardly and dishonorable thing a man could do.

The draft dodgers do not deserve a monument. They barely deserve the pardon that Carter gave them. If anything, the veterans that served deserve an apology from these twerps.

As a side note…don’t you think that this whole thing with Chenney is getting blown WAY out of proportion? I’m talking J.Lo, Beniffer, Nick and Jessica out of proportion. The guy shoots his buddy in the face and first thing he’s supposed to do is call a press conference? I don’t remember Clinton calling up Oprah saying, “Hey, you’ll never believe what just happened. I was walking through the Oval office today, my pants fell down, I tripped, and my dick got stuck in the mouth of an intern.”

He made a mistake, one that could have cost his friend his life. If that were my friend the first thing I do is call an ambulance, not a news truck. Yes…it’s news. But, why is it Dick’s job to report it? Isn't that what reporters are for?

Alright, enough ranting. Enjoy your weekend!

Valentines

Happy VD to everyone!

Please spread the love, one thrust at a time.

Can it fit in the overhead compartment?

A friend of mine over at Humming Bird on Speed passed me this story to Kyuballify. Greasefire is a great storyteller, so I’m not sure why he’d think I’d do any better with this...but, since I update my blog more often then he does, here goes.

The gist of the story is that Columbian drug smugglers were caught smuggling heroin in the bodies of Labrador puppies.

When I first read this, I thought: So what? Am I supposed to be surprised? Columbian coke-whores have been smuggling junk in their bodies for decades now. Why not in the bodies of pets too? It’s a bit ironic that they used Lab’s since their great drug dogs, but other than that…so what.

Here’s what my twisted mind eventually worked out: The “War on Drugs” is finally showing signs of a pay-off. It’s working. It’s got to be, the drug lords are running out of ideas on how to smuggle drugs into America.

Coffee: played out, it doesn’t fool the dogs…Axel totally lied!
Balloons: done
Aerosol cans: dead giveaway
Butt plugs: too obvious
Hidden compartments in luggage: way too obvious.

All that was left is puppies. Right? How unbelievably obvious can you be with out having a coat entirely lined with Weed? I’m not up on my AKC research, but I don’t think that Columbia is well known for it’s puppy exports. So, why did these brainiacs think that they could get puppies through?

“Juan, chu know wha will work? Puppies, mayn. Puppies, stuffed wit junk. We jees need to git a betrinarian por to sew it in.”

“Aye poppie, et bery good idea. Pass de chainsaw.”

Coincidentally, Hollywood has run out of ideas for screenplays. I present the following movies that should not have been remade…ever: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, When a Stranger Calls, The Poseidon Adventure, Sabrina, The Nutty Professor, Dr. Doolittle, The Pink Panther, and Batman and Robin. Ok, that last one wasn’t really a remake, but damn it sucked worse than having a paper cut under your finger nail.

Guess Who probably bugs me the most out of all of those. I’m a big fan of Sidney Poitier and Spencer Tracy and that flick did not need remade. It was, in my opinion, iconic and released at a time when our country needed to see a movie like that. I don’t care how funny the new one is…it pisses on the original.

Next, they’ll remake Patton. Only the character of Patton will be played by an Australian actor with a fake Southern accent and shot on location in New Zealand.

This past weekend.

I got a few things here, and none of them are related, so bear with me and my disjointed mind:

This past weekend I attended a two day seminar on Shorei Goju Ryu karate. Great stuff. This is a style that I’m currently studying and it was great to get all the schools together.

I must be a sadist at heart, though. I’ve got bruises all up and down my poor body from all the pressure points that were lit up. Two sessions in particular: Small Circle Jujitsu and Free Form Bunkai. Bunkai is traditionally an interpretation of Kata…which to those who don’t know is similar to Tai Chi movements only with more force. Bunkai is the “attacker” to Kata. Free Form Bunkai takes it to a new level because you add in arm bars, finger locks, and throws. Nasty.

Small Circle Jujitsu is just pure hate. Lots of joint manipulation. My fingers, specifically my pinkie and ring fingers, were bent in so many different positions I thought for a moment that the bones had disappeared. I also learned a technique that involves the “love handles” that will make you slap your momma.

So, for those that were looking for an update to Just Waking…I’ll get to that later tonight.
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Super Bowl half-time show. What the fuck has happened to this? Janet flashes some tit and the whole show gets knocked into the middle ages…like late 60’s. The Rolling Stones. I bitched about this at the beginning of the season and here we go again. You guys knew I’d hit on that again, didn’t you?

So…they opened the season with “Start Me Up”, and some new song that sounded like drivel. They end the season on: “Start Me Up” and some new song that sounded like drivel. Oh…but, it’s a three song set…so naturally they play “Satisfaction”.

Only, part of the song sounded like Elmer Fudd suddenly appeared on stage:

“And I twy…and I twy…and I twy…and I twyyyy!”

WTF?

At least it wasn’t Gretchen Wilson. Hag.

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Right…so I bitched about this last week, and I hate to blog about the same thing twice. However:

What in the fuck is wrong with the Muslim world? I’m sure you all heard that several people…5 or 6 last I heard…DIED over these stupid cartoons. Dead…deceased...gone from this plane of existence over a friggin cartoon.

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?!?!?! What in the name of your Muhammad are you people doing? Can’t you have a peaceful demonstration that doesn’t end up with the fire-bombing of an embassy or the declaration of a Jihad on entire nations of people?

Are you people that fucking ignorant? No, really. Are you that fucking pathetic that you froth at the mouth like a rabid badger over a drawing? Who in the world will ever take you seriously…to give you respect…when you animals can’t debate without throwing rocks at each other.

And where are all the celebrities in Hollywood on this one? So Bush is from the devil and he’s taking our civil rights away. Debatable, yes. However, he’s a far cry from this fanatical bullshit. Where’s Tim Robbins on this? Haven’t heard a word from Sean Penn…of course he’s probably busy with his brother…I’ll let that one slide. Where are all the people who cry out against censorship in America and denounce the war?

They’re shutting the fuck up right now. They don’t want to anger their buddies. They don’t want to speak out against the people they’ve been supporting for the last few years…that would send the wrong message.

Here’s the best part. The protesters ALWAYS try to write a few banners in English…and they fuck it up 90% of the time. I couldn’t screen grab the pictures I saw on MSNBC today, but there were several of protesters with signs in Engrish™. Here’s a sample of the few that I saw:

“Go to the Hell Denmark.” – Outside Danish Embassy, Jakarta
(Sounds too much like: “Go to your room.”)

“No Est – No West, Islam is at best.” – Kyderabad, Pakistan
(First I thought that this was written partially in Spanish…then I read the rest a few times before I got it.)

“Europe lacks respect for others.” – London, England
(Now…this was very well written, printed out at a local Kinko’s I imagine. It was the phrase that got me. Because the Arab nations have NOTHING but respect for other countries…they haven’t been bombing themselves into caves for thousands of years…nooooo. The followers of Islam are nothing but respectful of the Infidels.)

“Together to protect our prophet 'Peack be up on him' "- Sudanese Muslims, Khartoum.
(K the new E.)

I’m sure that the people in Denmark are all sitting around shitting their pants full of chocolate tulips over this. “How did we suddenly become the U.S. of Europe? Everyone in the Muslim world hates us?” Of all the nations in Europe, Denmark became the asshole of Islam? How does that work? Crazy shit.

In closing: If you and your religion can’t teach anything but violent intolerance then FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR RELIGION, you ignorant lemmings.